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November 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
............wow. really nice
schedule
September 13, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Nice and smutty, just how I like it!
schedule
April 25, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I\'m just gonna come right out and say this: I love slashy stuff, however, a few pointers to maybe...I dunno...help with the storytelling, I guess are the words I wanna use.
First of all...CHECK YOUR GRAMMAR AND SPELLING!!!! There\'s nothing worse then trying to write an intimately romantic scene with lots of action and flying emotions, and along comes a big, fat, spelling error and it ruins the moment. Your reader is left to try and figure out what word you tried to use, and it makes for a slow reading, thus, your reader not getting the emotion you\'re trying to tell.
Secondlive ive us a little more story, rather than action. No offense, but a little, dinky, paragraph about Jake and how he is shy doesn\'t really cut it. Especially when the story suddenly jumps into him coming into a three-some with his older brother and bf! Try and expand and explain a little bit better of the people there, how and why everyone is there. Something more.
Other than that, I thought it was very good. Graphiccripcription is VERY good. I praise you on that. (Trust me, I\'ve read some REALLY BAD slashy fics, and the author doesn\'t knowt tht the hell s/he is talking about and it just TOTALLY turns me off.)
Keep it up!
;-)
First of all...CHECK YOUR GRAMMAR AND SPELLING!!!! There\'s nothing worse then trying to write an intimately romantic scene with lots of action and flying emotions, and along comes a big, fat, spelling error and it ruins the moment. Your reader is left to try and figure out what word you tried to use, and it makes for a slow reading, thus, your reader not getting the emotion you\'re trying to tell.
Secondlive ive us a little more story, rather than action. No offense, but a little, dinky, paragraph about Jake and how he is shy doesn\'t really cut it. Especially when the story suddenly jumps into him coming into a three-some with his older brother and bf! Try and expand and explain a little bit better of the people there, how and why everyone is there. Something more.
Other than that, I thought it was very good. Graphiccripcription is VERY good. I praise you on that. (Trust me, I\'ve read some REALLY BAD slashy fics, and the author doesn\'t knowt tht the hell s/he is talking about and it just TOTALLY turns me off.)
Keep it up!
;-)
schedule
March 9, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Oh I really like this you did a good job please add more.
schedule
February 17, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Please make another chapter. so far so good