I like your work a great deal. It’s impressive in its bluntness. You don’t fool around
with flamboyant descriptions like a lot of writers tend to do (I being one of them). I
noticed though towards your later chapters that your grammar tends to slip. The first
person writing style is replaced here and there with the third person. The errors are minor
though and don’t detract from the story.
I enjoy Vicki as a character, she offers enough insight to be more than a simple puppet
for the story. Vincente (how do you pronouce his name?) is shapping up to be very
interesting too. I like how he seems so set in stone about his convictions yet for all his
impassiveness he has this obession of Vicki. A nice touch I enjoy and it doesn’t make the
story base either. Instead of meeting Vicki right off you make the read wait and as much
as I hate having to be patient it works. Your patients makes the story flow a lot smoother
than other stories of a similar nature.
I hope that my comments have helped.
<3