schedule
August 19, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Hmm... well it was an interesting idea...
I think you need to work on your transitions a bit, and you may want a beta reader before you post the final draft. I think if you were a little more careful with how you worded things and didn't just toss sentences out of nowhere, this could be a lot better.
The ending paragraph was good, and interesting. Though the descriptions through out were rather choppy and didn't flow very well. So you may want to double check that.
Otherwise, interesting concept. Definitely... different.
I think you need to work on your transitions a bit, and you may want a beta reader before you post the final draft. I think if you were a little more careful with how you worded things and didn't just toss sentences out of nowhere, this could be a lot better.
The ending paragraph was good, and interesting. Though the descriptions through out were rather choppy and didn't flow very well. So you may want to double check that.
Otherwise, interesting concept. Definitely... different.
schedule
March 21, 2004 at 12:00 AM
That story is so demented, I love it! I think you have a brilliant mind and a very good imagination. Keep it up!