AFF Fiction Portal

rate_review Reviews

for A Song

by Phinist

person Becky
schedule December 22, 2002 at 12:00 AM
i liked it. here are some sugestions though:

"There was an warrior" this should be 'a warrior' instead of "an warrior"

"Once peace has come he returned home..." i think that after "Once peace has come" 'to home he returned' would make it flow better

"For he knew his love wouldn't ever come back" i think that 'would never' sounds better than "wouldn't ever"

i hope i was able to help, good luck =)